Why DO ‘Nice Guys’ always finish last?

It’s a question that gets asked over and over again.  There’s actually a misconception of what defines a “nice” guy.  What women mean when they say they want a nice guy and how a guy actually portrays himself as being ‘nice’.  When a woman says that she wants a nice guy, she actually means that she wants someone with good moral standings, knows how to control most situations and overall not be a complete asshole.  Pretty obvious right?  So what’s the problem then?  To a guy, being ‘nice’ means to always have her decide on things, always asking for permission, never speaking your mind because you’re afraid of “offending” her, and being unsure of what she wants and likes.  The truth of the matter is that you should introduce her to what you want and like and then you start to figure out her interests, thus the point where you start to get to know each other.  Being a badboy may have worked in highschool, but it is commonly viewed as just plain immature.  Although, taking some elements of that can be used without being seen as an utter douche.

Trust me when I say that there is no right or wrong way to approach your dating life or your relationships, but I can say that there are a few basic rules of thumb that allow you to stand out the only way that you can.  You can only be you and that’s as real as it gets, and add that to the true you and it will begin to magnify and encompass traits about you that are attractive!  Being a good guys is far different than being ‘nice’.  What separates the two is that being a good guy takes a development of maturity and sophistication to a degree.  A badboy is someone a woman would like to be with for one night, and one night only, while a good guy is the kind of guy a woman wants to ride off into the sunset with.  So where is the nice guy in this picture?  Well he’s not even in it to begin with because he’s also the kind of guy who’s to afraid to take the risk, so she never notices him.  I can vouch for this as a first hand experience.  There are no basic principles when it comes to dating, but the few general rules of thumb to being a good guy is this.

First is to realize that chivalry is NOT dead.  Open doors and pull out chairs.  Let the people out of the elevator first before going in and hold the door open for people leaving a building should you come into it first or at the same time.  Having manners is a small detail that women WILL notice about you.  If you fail at something as simple as this… well that’s game over buddy and the date hasn’t even started yet.  A nice guy may appear to be doing these things, but if you’re not doing these things with confidence, you will look like a scared little man who’s only doing these things so he doesn’t get chewed out.

Second, introduce her to your world and take her on an adventure through your path in life.  The nice guy tends to be too eager in getting to know her that he tries and clings onto her path in life.  Because of this unnatural recourse, it will throw her off and make her confused about you.  The adventure doesn’t have to be a fancy restaurant or a movie, but if you make your life interesting, it really doesn’t matter where you go as long as she’s with you.

Third, be frugal if you have to, but don’t be cheap.  Taking her to some expensive restaurant is just plain stupid and it won’t increase any attraction she may have for you.  All it does is make the both of you uncomfortable.  You’ll feel this way because you start to worry about the check, and she’ll feel that energy as well which will totally kill the date.  My current girlfriend knows that I don’t make a lot.  However, I never cheaped out on her.  I never suggested that we go to McDonald’s instead, because I didn’t want to pay $8 for some Pad Thai.  So what do I do instead?  My frugality kicks in to high gear and I suggest that we just share a dish we both enjoy.  We can explore different foods and as both our stomachs stay full, so does my wallet.

Last is to speak your mind.  This means, be honest… with her and to yourself.  If she says something to offend you, then straighten her out and stand your ground.  If she asks you something or has doubts, respond to her honestly but don’t be a jerk about it.  You can always add a slight twist of encouragement to make her feel good.  But if you don’t believe that she can become more, it will also come out in your response.

You don’t have to be some super suave James Bond type to better your dating life, but it all does come down to doing the right thing and carrying yourself with class if you want to attract actual women who don’t look like they came out of a hip hop music video.  Get to know your own personality and start building up a sense of style that matches it.  Wardrobe is very important along with cleaning yourself up as well as your house and your car.  Being a slob is just a guy thing in general, but if you work on this, it’ll start to unfold some inner confidence and turn you from nice guy to good guy.

And one more thing, don’t be afraid to give the first kiss… she’ll thank you for it!  Mr. Nice Guy

Don’t let HER catch you off Guard!

Guys are known for being messy slobs and we kind of get a pass on it, for the most part.  Grown out beards, dirty hair, lack of style, dirty clothes and awful body odor.  Most men lack the ability to shower, clean the house, wash the dishes and keep a clean bathroom.  These are almost all the aspects of your life that women take notice on, and any one of these elements being in a sub-par condition will have her running for the hills faster than you can cum, Mr. Minute Man.  I kind of learned this lesson the hard way when I realized you can meet women you’re attracted to “anywhere”.  Doesn’t matter!  It could be the grocery store, a gas station, the airport, or in my particular case… the DMV.

By the way, I keep a very clean house!  A girl once said that being in my bathroom was like being in ‘Heaven’.  Anyway, back to the DMV.  This was around the time I got my motorcycle and I had to get it registered.  Well, I never figured I can meet an attractive woman at the DMV so I went unprepared.  I didn’t shower nor did I shave.  My hair was a complete mess and I was wearing ragged clothing.  I literally looked like a homeless guy, minus the stench.  So I was waiting around for my number to be called and the old man next to me leaves as his number was just called.  I pull out my registration information to review it and this cute blonde girl sits next to me.  If you can imagine a more homely version of Kate Hudson, that’s who she looked like.  I noticed that she had some cool Chucks on, so I broke the ice with a compliment on her shoes.  I then joked around with her as she looked kind of nervous about taking her driving test (written renewal).  We then had an hour long conversation that was a complete blast, she was basically laughing the entire time and having a good time.  We then placed a bet on who would be called first and that the loser had to buy lunch.  I created attraction out of this boring situation and I kept escalating.

I did lose the bet, and being a man of my word… I was going to buy her lunch.  We split and she took her test while I finished my registration.  About forty minutes later, she came up to me and said that we need to do a raincheck.  She seemed sincere but I realize that it was probably buyer’s remorse.  I came across as a guy whom she can have absolute good times with, but the first impression of my looks must’ve been a turnoff.  I can’t say that the results may have been better if I was dressed like I came out the cover of GQ, but we’ll probably never know.  Always be prepared and never let her catch you off guard.  Even for those insignificant errands, always walk out the house like you’re going to meet that beautiful woman that day, you’ll just never know!

Oh, and on another note, if you guys were wondering, I didn’t ask for her number because she gave it to me.  But like I said before, the number isn’t a big deal.  And yes, it was her real number, all I have to say now is that it’s her loss!

Leave the Lakers jersey at Home!

I’m sure I’m going to catch a lot of heat for posting this, but the same people giving me heat for this are probably the ones who I’m genuinely reaching out to.  If you’re not actually playing for the Lakers, then there’s really no need to be wearing a Laker jersey.  No one really cares if you’re wearing a Kobe jersey.  He’s a great player for the game, but wearing his jersey does not put you in the same rank as him.  You can go to the mall and probably catch 3 out of 5 guys wearing a Laker jersey, who are they fooling?  Ask them if they got any autographs that day and see what kind of response you get.

We’ve become a society that idolizes the wrong people and are steered the wrong direction, looking up to wrong values and fucked up aspirations.  True heroes make a difference, but are never remembered.  I wonder why.  What about the unknown leaders in our communities that actually fight to make our neighborhoods that much better?  What about the single father who makes sure his kids have a better life?  The veteran who’s missing limbs and has a missing eye?  You can have your reasons and excuses, but having the wrong values is still having the wrong values.

It’s kind of funny because you can either be at the mall, out on the street, a restaurant or even at church and it’s always the same kind of guy; slightly overweight or just not in shape, Lakers jersey with a white t-shirt underneath, jeans or jean shorts, basketball shoes and a cap with some ugly ass shades.  Not only do you look tacky, but you’re saying to others how much of a loser you are.  Did you lose the sense of living your own life that you have to live through someone else and their success?  I totally understand being a fan of a team and a sport, but you don’t see me rocking Ducati apparel.  Unless I’m riding for Ducati in MotoGP, I probably wouldn’t be caught dead in any of that.  So yeah, sounds like I’m talking a lot of shit, but I do find it appropriate to wear jerseys when it’s appropriate.

I think you must absolutely wear a jersey for the team you’re actually playing for, like softball or those basketball leagues.  Lakers jerseys are absolutely appropriate if you’re going to an actual game.  I’ve never seen a woman wear a Lakers jersey outside of a game.  So for all the dudes that wear too much sportswear outside of sports, realize that your woman is being turned off by you at this very moment.  This lady I’m seeing once said to me that her ex-boyfriend would always wear running shoes.  She always asked herself, “Why does he always wear running shoes?  Is he actually going to be running somewhere?”.  Get it together guys!

The “DIET” starts Tomorrow

How many of you say that to yourselves more often than not?  I know I have!  I’ve probably said that to myself more than 1,067 times before I actually got off my ass and did something about it.  Today is nothing but yesterday’s “tomorrow”; and just like the song, “Tomorrow becomes Yesterday”.  Time flies when you don’t grasp it, but time will stick around when you take advantage of it.  You don’t have to look like those girls on the Victoria’s Secret ads or those guys on the GQ magazines, but you should at least be making an effort to improve yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally and even nutritionally… every day!

I can relate to 95% of the American society.  Being lazy.  Day in and day out, not wanting to do anything but just lay on the couch, eat a tub of ice cream and knockout from food coma.  Crumbs of potato chips all over my shirt or chocolate stains on my hands and face from all the cookies I love to eat.  The joy I get from eating is only temporary and has no exponential longevity.  In fact, I feel really bad in every sense of the word!  When I eat right and workout, I feel awesome!  The vibe of my positive energy is felt by others around me, and women take notice of my pheromones as well.  I know it sounds like bullshit, but I’ve been hit on on multiple occasions because of it.

Anyway, I was drifting away off topic.  Like Jack LaLanne says, it’s never too late!  If you feel like you’re in dire need of getting in shape, all you have to do is get out there and do it!  Give yourself 3 days of working out, you’ll get so into it you’re going to forget about being lazy!  I felt like couching it up this week but even without proper motivation, I got up out of my fat ass and started working out.  Once you start taking action, your body is going to like it, it’ll get fired up and allow you to keep doing more!  Ask yourself this.  Why wait for tomorrow when you can start living “better” today?

First Kiss

Do you remember your first kiss?  Remember how special it was and during that point in time, everything slowed down, the noise muffled itself out and it was just you and that other person?  In correlation to the last post, this was at my friend’s birthday party and his wife told me an interesting story that I never even realized until 7 years later.  We all worked at a movie theatre so we have this sort of bond and history with each other.  She made a joke that I needed to be at their wedding because I was there for their first kiss and that I was a part of the process.  Though they were going to invite me anyway, just adding that slight detail made it even more flattering for me. They got married two years ago by the way and are living absolutely well!  It was a small wedding and only a select few were invited, so it was an honor to be a part of it!  They also probably had the best wedding I’ve ever seen.  Simple and clean!  They didn’t go out and have a wedding that cost $40k, they spent less than a quarter of that.  No fancy wedding rings either.  They took that money and bought a house instead!  THAT IS JUST BRILLIANT!  97% of couples make the mistake of spending way too much for a glorified party that they wind up in unnecessary debt.  But now I’m off topic.

So like I was saying, we all used to work at a movie theatre and I was surprised to find out that they noticed that I noticed their first kiss.  Actually, I didn’t know it was their first kiss until she told me.  So if we rewind about 7 years, I was working the concession stand with my colleague (his wife), and she went to clean the ice room while I cleaned the counters, look out for customers and take the tickets.  So I was cleaning the counters while my buddy walks down to the concession area as he just finished running the projectors for the playing film.  During that time, no one ‘really’ knew that they were going out.  So I was doing my tasks and because I’m a guy, I have like awesome peripheral vision and I can see them off in the corner under the surveillance camera’s blind spot.  And just like she said, I was there to witness the first kiss.  I’m surprised they noticed that I noticed but I was more like, “Nice”!  I was happy to see love happen, and I’m even more happy to be a part of that process.  It was their first kiss, and it bloomed into a beautiful life with a beautiful baby child.  You guys, this is what it’s all about!  Throw your shit out the window, enjoy life and make it happen!

Positive vs. Negative?

Should that even be a question?  I’m really curious as to how people continue to be so negative about anything and everything and at the same time wonder why their lives are so miserable!  If you want good change in your life, it’s going to have to come from within.  Yesterday I was at a birthday party for an old friend and it sort of doubled as a reunion for people I haven’t seen in years!  It was a refreshing change of pace from going out and meeting people.  This was a little more laid back, the kind of party that I’m into.  Unfortunately, one of the members of our circle still hasn’t really changed and is still a very negative person.  Maybe more negative than when I first met him.  It’s really quite sad and I’m not surprised why he’s still single and struggles in the dating world.  What makes it even worst is that he likes to talk a lot and never really lets other people redirect the conversation.  A lot of what he talks about is pretty much about all the crap that’s going on in his life or things that aren’t really that interesting.  What makes it bad is that we’re at a party where we’re supposed to be enjoying each other’s company and his “Party Talk” pretty much brings everybody down, and this can go on for hours!

All this negativity is taking its toll on our friend as you can see it set in with weight problems, bad posture and depressing facial expressions.  I had a good time at the party because I got to see people I haven’t seen in years, but listening to this guy talk was absolutely depressing and I couldn’t drink because I’m on a motorcycle.  Sometimes I think that it may have been my fault because I should’ve just told the guy to shut up about all this negativity and open his eyes to the positive things in his life.  Once you change that perspective, you actually do take notice of the good things and your life actually becomes better, without you actually trying to do anything.  You can see the contrast in topic and energy when I would jump in.

So, just like anyone, even for those who talk a lot, you’re going to have to pause and that’s when I came in.  I’d try to change the topic or take the topic he was talking about, redirect the energy to everyone else in the group but instead, put a positive spin on it.  You can then see the energy of everyone go UP.  It’s amazing how important energy is to a conversation and the importance of sharing that good energy.  When I’d redirect the conversation and share my positive energy, the whole group would get a good laugh as oppose to Mr. Neg, who does like to laugh, will be the “ONLY” one laughing at his conversation and everyone else would sort of stare off with an awkward look.  So after I get everyone to laugh and bring up the energy, Mr. Neg would jump back in and bring everyone down again, and the awkward silence returns.  It’s really sad to see because he’s at an advanced age now and set on his own views in life.  Not doing something about this may be a mistake I have to deal with, but this is also a lesson learned in more ways than one.

Slow Down! Life isn’t that SHORT…

A lot of people fear and live like tomorrow could be their last.  Want to know my fear?  My fear is living in that mindset and not being able to just kick back, live life in full-blast and be amazed at the larger picture.  Some call it ‘living on the fast lane’, while I prefer to call it the carpool lane.  I don’t believe in trying to reach your destination as fast as you can, not anymore at least.  I believe it’s about heading to your destination with the people you like to surround yourself with.  I was talking to one of my close friends about this exact topic.  I was at a bar last weekend and I didn’t have the same kind of fun I had the weekend before, at that exact same bar.  My friend explains to me that it wasn’t the venue nor the type of people that were there.  It was the type of people I surrounded myself with that night.  It just made perfect sense to me!  Though I do have myself to blame for not bringing the positive energy, there’s only so much one person can do.  My friend said, “If none of the people you’re with can bring that positive energy, then none of you are going to have a good time”.  I then reflected on past instances where the venues were horrible and the people were mediocre, but the friends I was with that night were bringing the positive energy on full blast that it didn’t matter!  We all had a great time and so did everyone else around us.  This really makes a difference, and if you want to attract more people into your life, you also have to be able to keep friends who are able to attract more people into theirs.

So then I asked my buddy how his ventures were going.  He told me that they’ve been good but sometimes they just get a little too crazy.  It’s understandable as we’re in that age where we do some really crazy things, he then said to me that he just found himself saying, “Slow down, life isn’t that short”.  Once he said that, I was laughing really hard because we sort of shared a common point of view.  Me and him live on parallel paths, we agree on a lot of things but we live totally separate philosophies in life.  I then explained to him that he was absolutely right!  It’s not until we hit our mid-40s that we can really consider ourselves adults.  We’re adults now in the eyes of the law, but in all honesty, I believe that we’re still in a childhood stage as we’re really just learning about the ‘real’ world.  You can’t learn this shit behind the safe walls of a campus whether it be gradeschool or college.

Maybe once you hit your late 30s can you be considered an ‘adult’.  Even then, at mid 40, you’re still young and I believe that that’s the equivalent of what is a 23 year old today.  I mean think about it!  You have people who are mid to late 20s, some into their 30s and still act like a kid.  No I’m not going to downplay them for wanting to have fun, but I’m talking about mentality here.  I think in general, life pretty much extended itself and no longer do you have to be 21 when you turn 21, nor do you have to be 30 when you’re 30.  You really should act your age but it’s also important to know how to have some fun.  So yeah, there is that possibility of passing tomorrow, but I don’t buy into that either.  I’d rather look at the bigger picture and enjoy my life on the “whole”.  Why live in tunnel vision when you’re going to miss all the magnificent glory that surrounds your life?  Nah, I’d rather take a quick breather, take a look around me and enjoy my surroundings.

People say that 21 is the age you start having your fun, I don’t buy that shit.  I believe that you ‘really’ start having fun once you’re in your late 30s and into your mid 40s, because that’s when your life really begins!

Acting like a Tourist in my own City

Taking the day to hang out doesn’t have to be miles away, especially if you’re like me and need to save every penny you can.  Too many people I know went out to Vegas this weekend for a good time and I do hope they have a great time!  As for me, I’d rather spend my time staying local and seeing what this little Big city of mine has to offer.  If everyone’s at the hotspots like Downtown, Hollywood and Pasadena, then that means it’s over-saturated and you’ll be missing out on the magnificent glory of the hidden treasure that is your own city.  Take the time to adventure your local spot and see what kind of potential it may have, you’ll just never know.  To maximize the experience, I didn’t even use my motorcycle and just took the local bus for 25 cents.  To be honest, I didn’t really feel like meeting women today, although I could’ve closed maybe 2 or 3 just today.

So getting off the bus, I arrive in downtown and head towards a local ‘Farmer’s Market’ to check out the sights.  A lot of interesting things were going on as there was a petting zoo, tons of vendors and live music.  It was great!  Just hanging out there, I created conversation and moved on.  My next stop was Ross as I was looking for a leather jacket I could use for riding.  No luck!  You just have to try your luck at stores like that and see what you could find.  I then tried TJ Maxx and Nordstrom Rack which were all in the same plaza.  Still no luck!  Is no one making leather jackets anymore or what!?

After a slight disappointing trip to these clothing stores, I went straight to Wholefoods across the street to have lunch.  This place is just amazing!  Tons of selections for healthy options.  But my favorite spot is the hot fresh food which are all ready to eat.  I packed my carton to about 3lbs which is a lot of food!  Even the counter-lady was saying how heavy my box of food was.  I basically packed it with my all time favorites, macaroni and cheese with mashed potatoes.  I added some Mediterranean options, I don’t remember what they were called but there was a lot of spinach and spices, and one was like an empenada!  I started a conversation with an attractive woman who was following me from food tray to food tray looking at what I was getting.  She was a generational gap older than me so I had no intention of taking the conversation any further, but it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t talk to her just because she is younger or older.

After I stuffed myself with carbs, I was ready to go on with my walking-journey and I headed over to Vons to do a little bit of errands.  Made conversation while I was there then I headed back over to my bus stop to head on home.  Now I know it doesn’t sound like I’ve done much but I was pretty much gone for about 6 hours and I spent less than $20.  I know a few guys who blow $100 in a single night, but I tell ya, I can’t roll like that.  So anyway, I’m at the bus stop and this cute blonde girl walks up and waits at the stop with me.  I busted her for “J-Walking and running to me”, which got a good laugh out of her.  She was cute until she smiled because then I noticed how horrendous her teeth were.  Still doesn’t mean I shouldn’t talk to her.

You remember that movie “Shanghai Knights”? Where Owen Wilson runs into that really cute British blonde at the market and then she smiles?  Yeah, that’s what happened to me!

Dude, she had to be an 8!

You know how guys sort of scale women from 1 to 10 and judge her level of attractiveness on a number?  Yeah, I never really got that.  I won’t lie because I have used the scale as a reference just so the guy I’m talking to can understand what I’m talking about.  Why do we guys give women a number?  Women don’t look at us the same way.  To them, we’re either attractive or we’re not.  Here’s another thing, from my experience talking to other guys, we never judge a woman below a 6.  Either we’re too nice to give a woman a number below 6 or there’s something else happening here.

When a woman is labeled as a 6, it’s actually a good thing because that’s a guy’s way of saying that she’s quite attractive and above average.  We’ll never give a woman a perfect 10 and a 9 is way too high a number to give out.  So the most common numbers we work with are from 6 to 8.  I see things differently because we’re very similar to women.  There really is no need for us to put a number on a woman because the way we see it, she’s either attractive to us or she’s not.  But because we men are “logical” thinkers, we have to put a number on a scale just for things to make sense.  Ladies, try not to take numbers the wrong way because if he did give you a number, that means he noticed you and finds you attractive enough to talk about you.  We individually have our own preference so it won’t be the same for everyone.  One man’s 8 is a 6 for another.  It’s variable change.

Personally, I’d rather not scale women because women don’t scale me like a piece of meat.  She’s either attractive to ‘me’ or she’s not!  And if she is attractive, then it’s my responsibility to find out if there’s any chemistry.  It’s as simple as that!  I could be wrong but I think you ladies can be way more harsh as you typically want a “Complete” Man, not someone who can be potential.  As for us men, it wouldn’t matter if you had a high or a low number, regardless… we see that you always have room to better yourself.  What more of a turn-on than a woman who wants to push herself to the edge and make herself better?

Okay, back to my point, guys… no need to waste time measuring women on a scale, you either find her attractive or you don’t.  You either have chemistry with her or you don’t… even if you find her attractive.  If you don’t find her attractive, it still doesn’t mean that there won’t be any chemistry.  You’ll just never know!

I Don’t Care what other People Think, You’re Sexy!

Have you ever met someone who lacked that self-esteem necessary to make it?  I’ve met a few and I myself have been one of them as well.  I’ve also met people who lack self-esteem and drag others down with them, making people feel like crap and coming up with good reasons why they can never become better in this life.  How selfish!  I’ve been called arrogant, mean, a douche, a jerk, confident, egotistical, and selfish.  I wouldn’t trade any of that for being under the hole lacking self-esteem, because I can at least adjust my attitude to a balanced state.  But what really ticks me is when someone who lacks confidence in themselves finds joy in bringing others down with them.  If you think I’m selfish, bringing someone down to a negative state with you is a lot worst than some of the things I’ve done.  I at least try to make people feel good about themselves, feeding positive thoughts into their minds and reminding them that they can become more.

We live in such a Black/White society.  You’re encouraged to carry yourself with confidence and attain self-esteem, but once you have it, that attitude becomes frowned upon.  You know what?  It’s the same people telling you to have confidence that don’t have it themselves.  They’re envious of you and want to bring you back down to their level.  Don’t mind them and walk your higher path!  Who cares what they think!  You’re sexy and you have every right to let the world know it!